SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all,

Long story short: I am almost a year post dday. In MC and EMDR trauma therapy. Healing and feeling both my marriage and I are turning the corner. We are finally moving out of survival zone into healing zone. I definitely don’t feel like I’m in safe zone but can see it. I can see a life where I accept this happened and we are working through it in honesty.

The way I found out about the affair was dramatic - someone tried to contact me on social media to tell me they were sleeping with my husband but because they couldn’t reach me contacted ny entire family and then showed up to my parents house (to this date how they found the address is a mystery to me, and stuff of my nightmares)

Now almost bang on a year later this person has tried to send me a message request again - I don’t even know how they can since I have blocked them. I have not opened it but I am extremely triggered. I feel transported back to a year, like everything is happening again. My worst fears coming true.

My husband and I had a deal that if she contacted either of us again we would tell each other. I am unfortunately at my parents for the weekend due to a death in the family and won’t see him till tomorrow to process together.

My question is WHY would she be contacting ME again - when all she has to say is said and done. Should I ignore it or see what she has to say - I am worried that ignoring her will lead her to start contacting my family, showing join places again.

One of two things, he has been in contact with her or, she is nuts.
Until you know for sure assume she is nuts.

I would have an attorney send her a "cease and desist" letter. If she still reaches out, file for a restraining order for harassment. Your attorney can inform you if you can add family to that letter.
Hopefully, your WS isn't still cheating with her.

Yes - only two options out there.

thanks for the cease and desist idea,I will explore that. I’ve also considered filing a complain for stalking.

…..
Weirdly if it’s the first option of he’s still cheating, at this point it’s almost funny. After everything we’ve been through and his family has been through it would a lesson in ‘leopards never change their spots’ - and my next steps would be clear (divorce!)

But I’m trying not to jump ahead to that. Maybe months of therapy actually is working and I’m not spiralling too bad. I’m just having very short bursts of panic and anxiety attacks

UPDATE:
Hi all, I had a tough night. My first sleepless nice in months, but despite the panic attack and anxiety I dug into my therapy tools and held on till I got home to chat to my husband.

He was equally shaken same assured me he hasn’t recieved any messages. We then decided to look at the message but not response - because the anxiety of not knowing would kill me.

But when I clicked on it there was nothing! Just old messages (which after I blocked her. I couldn’t see). I have very strict instagram privacy controls so I’m guessing she made an attempt to message me and then blocked me (some research on the internet reveals this). Either way I don’t know what it was about and neither of us have a way to contact her.

What it did do was let me see the old messages I sent her, the last of which was be clearly expressing my wish for no contact and no visits to family members. I have not screenshotted this and this is enough proof for me to go the police if she contacts me again or stalks my family.

UPDATE:
Hi all, I had a tough night. My first sleepless nice in months, but despite the panic attack and anxiety I dug into my therapy tools and held on till I got home to chat to my husband.

He was equally shaken same assured me he hasn’t recieved any messages. We then decided to look at the message but not response - because the anxiety of not knowing would kill me.

But when I clicked on it there was nothing! Just old messages (which after I blocked her. I couldn’t see). I have very strict instagram privacy controls so I’m guessing she made an attempt to message me and then blocked me (some research on the internet reveals this). Either way I don’t know what it was about and neither of us have a way to contact her.

What it did do was let me see the old messages I sent her, the last of which was be clearly expressing my wish for no contact and no visits to family members. I have not screenshotted this and this is enough proof for me to go the police if she contacts me again or stalks my family.

We had to go the Cease and Desist route - the attorney clearly defined in that letter what could constitute cyber stalking [creating fake profiles to look at WH or my account], reaching out by social media [her own profile or via a fake one] etc.

It was money well spent. AND if she doesn't stop and you have to actually file against her - having that letter sent first will only aid your potential case.