SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

IHS continues after our divorce is final while we sell our marital home , which has me wondering - how long was yours?

Mine was 6 months, which felt like an eternity. I don't know how people go longer.

I left the house when a place open where I wanted to live (near my DS with grandkids). Plus was that XWH wasn't going to consult a lawyer to discuss abandonment - spoiler alett: he didn't.

I'm so much happier now and have so many knew friends that I would never have had during the M. My advice is to do things for yourself (have dates with you) to have fun and find what you like.

Mine was almost a year and it was a complete living hell. I spent a lot of time avoiding him as much as possible and leaving the house when things got heated or highly uncomfortable for me. We were in separate rooms and I still was raising my kids. We did things with the kids separately. Did not eat together. Usually he came home late so that helped a lot. I still don’t know how I lived through it. I spent a lot of days crying and hysterical. It was not a healthy environment for me or my kids and I’m sorry I put them through that and that they were a part of such a toxic family. Lots of healing since then for myself and my kids. We are all doing well now and life is peaceful at least at my house. The way it should have always been.

Mine was a qualified year and a half. For a year of the IHS, we were still working on R and raising our kid together, but I definitively had my own room to retreat to. It was very hard, and I breathed a lot easier after moving out. In my case, our kid was not aware that we were explicitly doing IHS and was definitely not aware of the cheating, so I was doing a lot 'happy family' acting while there. Part of my relief came from not having to keep up that facade. A lot of it was not having to interact with WS on a day to day basis.

Wishing you a speedy home sale, icangetpastthis, so you can move into the next phase of all this! It is really nice to set up your own place (or was for me anyway).

Been debating with myself about answering here...
On your last thread I sort-of tried to push you along to finish the divorce in order to end the then-10-month HIS, and was so happy for you when you signed the documents...

I think this is what’s happening...
I think your husband – correction: your EX husband who is no longer your husband – is content with the present situation. He’s fine with sharing the house. Probably cheaper than being alone, maybe getting an occasional free meal, maybe getting his laundry done, maybe still being able to impose some control on you, your daily life and your emotions. The impetus for HIM to change is zero. In some ways it’s his payback for you going on with the divorce despite him not wanting it.

Why hasn’t the house been sold?
Is it priced at where the relator said was realistic? Have you two turned down any offers? Are you two doing anything to push the sale – and... is either of you doing anything to prevent it (read: him).
Why is the sale a prerequisite for one or both moving out?
Could one of you afford rent while the house is sold?
Could the two of you reach an agreement where the cost of rent, plus the cost of the house is summed up and divided in two so you are both paying equal amounts?
What are your plans once the house is sold? What major change will take place then?
What are his plans – or doesn’t he have any?

Friend – What I’m trying to do is empower you with possible options so that YOU can end what is already an 18 month period without no end in sight...

Hi Bigger: Thank you for addressing my struggles. It is very real and affecting my health. Your second paragraph could be true, I don't know who he is anymore. I don't engage in conversation with him unless necessary (selling our home is one of the few necessary conversations). Every day I try not to be anywhere near him, so we do not have meals or any other activities together. I would like to reveal more, but those details might give up my anonymous ID. I am already involved in the purchase of my next home and if this one doesn't sell soon, I risk losing that deal. I don't want him to know where I will be living and intend to block his number. Like many here - in hindsight - I wish I had filed for divorce much sooner than I actually did. I am working diligently with our realtor to get our marital home sold so I can get out of here. It does feel like an eternity living here like this, and it surprises me that this is the way it is done here. Why didn't the judge force him to leave on the day the divorce was final? The awful truth of his behavior was disclosed during mediation, which the judge is aware of and which my ex didn't even deny. If I hadn't been forced to provide him half of the assets that I had and also pay the costly legal bills for divorce, I could have left months ago.