SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Incredible how many just found out I have to write.

But this time will not be the life story.

So... I just found out. 1 Adultery and 1, likely 2 other betrayals.

This sets the score to at least 12, maybe 13 cheatings from her.

The one in the absolute light:
I found out not even a full year into our relationship, she was in Germany, having sex with a German guy, while she was supposedly crazy in love with me, since it was fresh.

Is one of the many I found and confronted her just few weeks ago, she denied it all, she swore she never met this guy (a bartneder) and nothing ever happened.

Then I find an e-mail to her friend telling how with this guy is "over, over, and once again so over".

She lied to me, denying it even while we are following therapy and she is swearing to change.

The beauty is that the pain I felt right now is as intense as always:
That sharp stab in your gut, intense, souls crushing.

However, I think I am good, because I felt it fully, very intense, I grieved, cried, and felt immediately light.

I can integrate betrayal emotions, they do not scare me anymore.

This does not change the fact that now is the Betrayed Husband who is "over, over, and sooo over".

I will "have fun" when she comes back tonight.

Let's see how many more, I am making a collection.
I married a serial cheater.

I’m saddened to read this. I hope you are ending this relationship/marriage soon.

You deserve better.

I hate this for you. I really, really do man. TFW is right. You deserve so much better.

Thank you guys.

Since I got this gift I left one for her too:
I recorded my cry of grief and pain while it was happening, it short, but since she thinks I feel no emotions she will keep that as a reminder.

Not out of pity, I actually do not give a fuck, but maybe she can see what human emotions look like and what she was so nice to gift me.

Perhaps one day she will remember why there is consequences to what you do and choose.

Isn't it funny that the pain of a new DDay is still as strong as the first one?

But the thing that surprises me is how fast it goes away now, I find it funny in a dark, ironical way.
I actually feel lighter because I knew already and I found out the evidence.

And there is some bitter satisfaction in finding out that she is still lying and giving trickle truths.

One thing for sure, I saved all this stuff.
If I walk away my daughter needs to know why daddy had to leave.
It was because mommy could not decide if she wanted daddy or just any penis she ever met would do.

This is from how many years ago?

And there is still an electronic trail?

This is from how many years ago?

And there is still an electronic trail?

2006, we were not even 1 year together

Believe it or not, it does not matter how old, the pain is full like it happened now.

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 8:50 PM, Thursday, February 12th]

I’m sorry to say you are expecting understanding from someone who doesn’t have the capacity or the willingness to care about anyone other than herself.

When she comes crawling back again and again and you re-start the relationship, she knows (and expects) there are no consequences or fall out from you.

You need to build an impenetrable wall around yourself and really have no contact.

Such a kick in the gut. But at this point I wonder if your tears are as much about the waste of your years it confirms.

I would not say to your daughter the words you wrote here, however. She does not need to be dragged down to the level of a daughter of such a ....

I'm so sorry, my friend. You need a divorce. Stop putting up with this, put an end to this. Some people, for whatever reason, are simply not monogamous. They're not marriage material. If only they wouldn't lie about this. But they want both - they want the security and peace of marriage, and the excitement and centrality of affairs and the price of that is constant deceit. Unless someone is honest enough to say, I'm just not monogamous. Frankly, that is how I would view your wife - she's never going to be what your heart and soul need. I wouldn't even bother arguing with her, this is what she's like. Work out the divorce, set yourself free and heal. You can have something much better in the future that will work for you. She's always gonna be a fail.

I understand how hurt and angry you are and I'm sure you would not say that to your daughter. I don't know how old she is but age appropriate - Mom and Dad just don't see marriage in the same way and we can't make it work together. We just want different things. It's one of those things you can only really understand when you're older. I think that would be the essential truth but said in as least hurtful way as possible. She'll probably figure her mother out eventually anyway. If she's old enough to understand you might say something like, I want to only be with one person, Mom needs to be with different people at different times. We're just not the same and we don't want the same things. Your wife might try to deny this, probably for appearances, but....this is the truth for each of you. You're monogamous and she's not.

Believe it or not, it does not matter how old, the pain is full like it happened now.

It's not just the new pain for an older betrayal; it's also the pain for the damaged, if not unsalvagable future. It really hurts when you can't see a way forward together.

The one positive is that staying or going is your choice. It just depends on what you will and won't accept. There's no right or wrong answer as long as it's driven by what you choose....not by what you fear.

There is a manual used by psychiatrist and psychologist to describe all the things that happen to human beings mentally. The one that I was completely obsessed with in college, and found out my job introduced me to so many people that suffered from these, that I think I’m pretty much of an expert. These are called personality disorders. They are written by experts about how you have to meet the criteria before they will allow someone to be diagnosed with them. The problem is no two human beings are alike and they may have one personality disorder that bleeds into the next that bleeds into the next. The personality disorders that I’ve dealt with the most and even run into a couple in my own private life is cluster B. Those are people with borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial-sociopathic personality disorder. People who are sociopaths and or psychopaths are people with absolutely no ability to have empathy. You are a thing to them. They may use you to provide a home or money, but they could care less about you. One of the best examples I saw happen to be show on television (non-fiction by the way), which showed a mother who not only murdered her husband, but set up her daughter to take the fall. She’s a pure sociopath. I have no idea where on that spectrum your wife is but she’s somewhere. Or she might be one they’ve never recognized before. The one thing you can bank on is she’s not going to change.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 4:06 AM, Friday, February 13th]