I buried my father yesterday.
We were not close.
He was always there financially. He was very successful in business, an executive VP line builder for a regional company. Like so many other companies this one transitioned from manufacturers to importers. Instead of the occasional trip to a Mid-West town a day or two away, it became much longer trips to other parts of the world.
He understood and could explain, quite well, his views and thoughts about business, economics, politics, international trade, labor relations, regulations...
He possessed an uncommon wisdom as worthy of attention as it was also... questionable. 
He was also a big fan of Eric Van Danikin and his "Ancient Aliens" theorists. So there's that. 
And there were those walls. Shit so tall and impenetrable they rivaled those of Mordor itself.
I spent enough time and energy banging my head against those walls that I eventually built my own, just to prove myself.
Those who tend to avoid conflict first and foremost avoid the conflicts within themselves. The walls we build to defend ourselves from pain become prisons of our own creation.
Dumb shit, ain't it? It's okay. Judge for you're selves. I can only provide a few examples of people who spent their lives avoiding conflict and building walls. Doesn't make me a expert or nothing... but, hopefully a survivor who can break the cycle with my offspring. What he, my 15yo, chooses to do with the invaluable wisdom I empart is his problem. I've done my job. 
I can finally start to let go of the conflicts that I had with him, because he's just gone... 
Som'bitch got the last words in, too, dagnabit! Nothing I ever say now could possibly make a difference. "He's dead, Jim."
Sigh...
All that remains are the conflicts within. I could have let go of some of that shit years ago (well... decades), but no. I kept on trying to get through those walls. I'd get clues! Hints. A glimpse, now and then...
Sometimes FOO shit just sucks ... foo-shit.
When I can recognize and be mindful of my own unhealthy tendencies, I can also remember that I can choose better ones, 'cause... duh?!
I watched my ex-wife go through 18 months of therapy to deal with her own shit. She says the same things, more or less, about her own journey. Being mindful of our tendencies is half the battle. The rest is a "work in progress."
I'll miss my father.
