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Thank you all for the advice. Last few messages he sent were that he couldn’t come home yet as he’s needs to sort his head out. But then said he would come spend the night tonight so we could talk.

The last message I sent him was telling him not to contact me and to pay maintenance so the children don’t suffer anymore than they already have.

I can’t believe what a selfish nasty person he has changed into. The lies are unbelievable and how he twists everything that I say. He still really thinks he’s the prize! A comment which he said was "if I ended up back home or stay with OW it’s a win win for me"

I’ve now blocked his number and removed him from social media so he can’t contact me. The only way would be by contacting our eldest adult child.

I know 100% deep down we are better off without. I know what I need to do and just cut him off be seem to be finding it hard

Nrtd- I’m sending you love and strength

A comment which he said was "if I ended up back home or stay with OW it’s a win win for me"

BTDT. My H had the same crappy attitude during his affair. I swear he morphed into someone (or something) else during his affair. He walked around like he was the King and I should be grateful for any attention or effort he made towards me or our marriage.

And stupidly the first 3 months I played along thinking this behavior was going to end and we would start to reconcile.

I remember as I started to pull away he would make just enough effort to reel me back in. And that worked for awhile too.

Dday2 was the turning point for me. That when my "I don’t give a damn" meter went off the chart when I found he had been cheating the whole time I thought we were reconciling.

And to this day he is now afraid I will D him.

In your case no contact is your only option right now. As long as hrs still lying and cheating you have no Hope of reconciling and you have Almost nothing to work with to build a foundation on. It’s good that you can see through his lies and false promises.

It’s probably one of the worst things I’ve ever been through all of this. I’m suffering really bad with anxiety since the weekend. I’ve just contacted my doctor to see what I can take or what they suggest just to get rid of these physical symptoms.

I don’t know why he’s putting me through all of this at all. I feel as though I’m crawling at the moment bruised and broken. I’m hoping by this time next year I will be in a better place.

It’s not easy because of the children too

Please follow through with your dr. Your body is under attack from the stress. There are temp meds to help you through. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Stupidly spoke to him and he seems to think he should come down Friday to Sunday to stay and see how we get on. I’ve told him no thank you

I’m hoping my new SIM card comes tomorrow

Stupidly spoke to him and he seems to think he should come down Friday to Sunday to stay and see how we get on. I’ve told him no thank you

Excellent response.
Change the locks.
Expose him.
This is war.

He’s trying to keep you as his plan B.

Good for you for seeing through his scheme.

And does he really think the OW-GF is going to be ok with this? He can just go back and spend the weekend either way his wife & kids? Geez he really is stupid.

As you can tell there is no guarantee he would actually show up OR he’s got something else up his sleeve and you would be victimized by him again.

It may be as simple as he wants to live with you & kids but continue to cheat.

Whatever it is, I’m sorry your anxiety is through the roof. I physically shook (my entire body) for the first 3 months after Dday. I was a wreck just like you.

But once you are no longer in contact with him, it will start to get better. Not saying you won’t be anxious or upset, but removing yourself from having to listen to the lies and nonsense from the cheater definitely helps.

I’m certain he is saying it just so he can come see the kids at home as he’s nowhere to take them. Further messages he sent were "he missed home" followed with " I need to come home what I’m doing isn’t right" but he had previously responded when I’d asked him about coming home " I told you I have no choice do I"

I’m pretty certain it’s because it’s getting closer the the weekend. I’ve not had any contact t with him today and will keep it that way.

Doctor has also prescribed some anxiety tablets and said if needed can try something else if it doesn’t help

Legally he can’t enter my property any more that’s one thing sorted.

This is from your post on 1st Oct.
So coming home isn’t his only option as he implies with " I told you I have no choice do I"
It’s more of a question if YOU allow him home. YOU have the legal ability to refuse him entry – according to what you posted on the 1st of Oct.

Missmee – See my tagline? It’s totally YOUR call if you decide to let him back into your home or if you call it a day. Personally, I think it could be best for both of you if he staid somewhere else while things cool down and a decision to reconcile OR separate can be built on more than inflamed emotions.

Thanks Bigger, he’s still currently living with the ow and her parents. In my opinion I feel if he truly did want to come home he wouldn’t be living with her he could have gone to a family member’s house or stayed somewhere else.

I think after this blip this week and the he’s coming home for 3 nights in a row then the excuses I think he may have blown his chances further. The more I write here and say it out loud the worse it looks and makes me realise what he’s actually done.

He’s not the person I was in love with and I don’t think now I can ever forgive him I’m certain the ship has now sailed

Ignore everything he has said. You don’t know what true and what’s false at this point. He has lost all credibility.

However you can watch his actions. They will tell you everything.

Example. If he really wanted to see his children, he would make it happen. He would drive down to your home, pick up the kids, take them out to lunch or lunch in a park or to a zoo or some activity where he doesn’t have to be in the home. At the end of the time he can then drop the kids back to you and be on his merry way.

He could be doing that as many days a week as his schedule allows.

That’s if he really wants to see his kids.

If he’s finding excuses, then you can be certain he’s just looking for a way out and not interested in putting in the work or effort.

You know the old saying "actions speak louder than words".

So today marks 6 months since the first confession that he quickly back tracked on all week I’ve heard he’s coming home. Yesterday said all the right things and still didn’t come home. Today he has left work earlier, as he is saying he’s coming back home today to make everything right. He reckons he’s packing up and leaving to come home.

Do I believe him? Hell no!

Today is the make or break day, I’ve wasted the last 6 months hurt and upset. If he doesn’t return tonight I know where I stand and can finally let go of that hope and move on to the better life we all deserve!

We will sometimes cask it the hopium pipe. I'm sorry that he's been such a jerk. While I hope he pulls his head out of his behind, it seems like he'd only do that at his convenience.

Does his behavior show that he's able to do the work to change from cheater to noon-cheater? Actions can speak louder than words.

So he turned up only to leave again. He asked me to please wait for him whilst he sorts everything out. I’m glad I gave him the opportunity yesterday to show that he will never be the person I need him to be.

So what does that mean to you?
What are your next steps?

Bigger- so it means I need to move on with my new life for me and my children. I need to cut all contact with him.

I’m fully aware who and what he is but can’t seem to let go of the promises he keeps making then breaking.

I’m finding it really hard to let go especially when he seems to say all the right things. Even though his actions don’t match. I can’t seem to explain it or understand why I can’t let go.

In one moment I feel strong and am looking forward to what’s to come in my new life path but then the next I’m panicking and feel the whole devastation again. And I know that it’s me that’s allowing him to still control me and what’s going on.

I just need to put my big girl pants on and put one foot in front of the other. I think?

I think it is very hard when your heart and your head are not aligned.

Logically you know his words are false but yet, you still hold out Hope.

I can tell you my H did the back & forth on "divorce-no divorce" (while we were still living together). Six long agonizing months. A few times I told him I get it, and you are free to go. But yet he didn’t. And then would swear he didn’t want a D (just like you are experiencing). And I think he expected me to "stand by".

But at dday2 my heart just stopped caring and it was me who was initiating the D.

You will get there - and then you will start making very real (and permanent) decisions.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 9:04 PM, Tuesday, October 21st]

Mismee, I too am yoyoing all over the place. Seems like it's very normal. We aren't weak we are dealing with immense pain and confusion made worse because of the lies we were (or still are) told by someone we love dearly who should never ever have hurt us in the way they did.

Be compassionate with yourself. This is so incredibly hard. Before dday I hadn't cried in 30 years. Now I cry every few days. There isn't a magic wand.

However, WS is teaching you with each subsequent broken promise that he can't be trusted. Right now your head knows what will happen but your heart hopes otherwise. Someday, if WS keeps it up both will be aligned and your decisions will probably become easier.

Stay strong. This may be the hardest thing any of us on here ever do and the first time you do anything is the worst you ever are at it.