TakingSmallSteps,
I'm sorry you're going through this.
The first week finding out was brutal. My world was shattered, and likely so was yours. How could this person you know and love do this to you?
The answer to that is that they probably didn't even think about you.
They only care about themselves and their affair partner when it's happening.
You did NOTHING wrong. REMEMBER that, and BELIEVE that.
The fact that your spouse told you about it vs you discovering it is actually really a big deal. This does not happen a lot, but it also doesn't mean you know all the facts either, so take it with a grain of salt.
I PRAY that nothing happened physically, but I know all too well that unfaithful spouses will lie, gaslight, deflect and blame to keep secrets. They love to say 'I didn't want to hurt you anymore', but they really mean 'I dont want you to know the truth because you might leave me'
The only other advice I can offer is the following:
Take care of YOURSELF.
You can't change your spouse, only THEY can change themselves.
Though most affairs share incredible similarities, each couple has to work through their recovery on their own. There is no right or wrong answer on what you choose to do.
