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She wished that you waited and didn't spoil her trip, well you probably wished that she didn't accept a diamond ring and fuck her boyfriend.

Actually this was pretty perfect timing.
While she is gone, after you get tired of moping and feeling sad you can work on yourself. Do things that you like. Work out, meet with your friends and maybe reach out to her friends to explain the truth.
MAybe she will come back and want to R or maybe her BF joined her on the trip and they are in luurve.
When she returns you will be in a different state of mind. You will have learned that you can be without her and her cheating.

So she feels like a criminal?

She may not have knocked over a bank, but she sure murdered the marriage!

Don’t be surprised if she comes back from vacation stoked with ideas fed by her family to jam it to you. Be ready.

Your STBXWW is already rewriting history. It's YOUR fault you are divorcing? Her A had NOTHING to do with the D, in her mind. As others said, be prepared for her to "lookout for herself" and be aggressive in the D. Protect yourself.

I try to see patterns. In human behavior and interaction there tend to be patterns. As a cop I learned to recognize body-language and stance to evaluate if a situation was escalating, if the person was being truthful and so on.

Her reactions (poor me, it’s all your fault, I’m so sad about it, I was willing to do something about it…) is typical. It follows a pattern.
What would also be typical and follow a pattern is for her to come home after the journey and tell you she’s given it a lot of thought and is willing to give your marriage one more chance.

I want to point this out because your posts clearly show you want to reconcile.

Be very careful.
I am on record on this site for repeatedly claiming marriages can survive anything if both have their mind set to it. However… pattern… She’s off to her vacation despite the state of the marriage. If she was serious about it she would AT LEAST be offering to cancel or reschedule. There is nothing going to happen in the next weeks that make her more likely to want to R.
Note she didn’t say she was unhappy about the divorce, but rather the timing.

This is like an alcoholic that promises to go to AA and sober up – but only if you give him some cash so he can get a final drink at a bar on the way over to the meeting…

The KEY to any possibility of reconciling or to evaluate her worth as a R candidate would be to know there is no contact in any way or form with OM while she’s away. The "pattern" would be that she uses this time to be with OM, talk to OM and all that, and then "sacrifice" her happiness by coming back to the marriage.

Once out the door you should be contacting your attorney to learn and know how to divorce with the correct level of fairness considering the short life of the marriage. You should be clear on what happens when she returns. What will be your living arrangements? When and how and who will move out? When do you plan on signing the documents? What info does your attorney need to finalize the divorce? Tax returns? Statements?
What can you do while she’s away? You two won’t reside together once divorced, and you should start the process of evicting her or moving out yourself. Use the time shes away to detach and get the formal process as far along as possible. You can’t finish it, but having everything ready will speed things up once she’s back.

About what she says and what others think…
This is a divorce. No kids. After 2-3 years you won’t be in any contact with her or the friends that side with her. What she says is of no value or relevance.

It's been a rough few days. She left on her trip with her sister and texted me a message telling me she loves me and to withdraw the divorce. It reads like she wants me to withdraw it bc she only has 30 days to respond to the divorce and it'll mean cutting her vacation short.

I have to be honest and say I feel I miss her, I think a lot about her. I try to sit and feel my feelings and I do it until it gets overwhelming.

I'm going to pay the rent for this coming month and move my things out. She assumes I'm going to stay at our place but I doubt it bc of all her stuff, clothes, etc.

Her friend contacted me as well saying similar stuff. It's only been a few days but it feels much longer.

At this point there is no reason to communicate with her. The less contact the less pain and the quicker you heal.

Go dark and allow the divorce process to follow it's legal steps.

Although she's to selfish and self absorbed to admit it - any/all inconvenience related to divorce is solely caused by her decision to commit adultery.

Stay strong and go NC with her. She is utterly heartless to (1) continually run you down (2) have an affair (3) whine that you inconvenienced her by serving her before she went on her trip to Europe. A trip that she should have immediately canceled if she gave two cents about you and saving the marriage. (4) try and manipulate you by now saying she loves you even though she recently said just the opposite. Her goal is to get you to withdraw the petition so that she doesn't have to cut her trip short. If you did that, do you think she would return and be all lovey-dovey toward you? She would probably go see a lawyer and immediately return the favor from what you have described of her.

She has done you a terrible wrong. She treats you terribly. She has a litany of complaints about you. She cheated and continues to cheat on you. She sounds like a she-devil. How in the hell can you have any kind of decent future with such a person? You can't. Run and don't look back. Count your blessings that she has revealed her true self to you so early in the marriage. Get into IC with someone to help you through this mess and to get you moving in the right direction in life. Your present therapist seems lacking in these areas. You are young and the possibilities before you are endless. Don't torpedo your life by allowing this anchor to drag you to the bottom.

[This message edited by src9043 at 6:51 PM, Saturday, January 29th]

The longer you go without seeing her the less you will care about her.

Look at how selfish she is. Barely married and leaving for a month or more. That is not the sign of a wife. It isn’t even the sign of a girlfriend.

She blames you for ruining her vacation. What!!? That’s nuts. It means she won’t have the money needed for a fun filled good time.

She thinks you are too stupid to see what’s up. 🙋🏾‍♀️🙋Heelloooo! Over here. Not stupid at all. Just move along. I have better things to do.

Brother to look after yourself should be your top priority.
To do that you need to instigate the grey rock no contact roll. You need to look after yourself.
Please don’t hold off the D because it will spoil her holiday, having to cut short her trip. Boo fringing hoo! Sucks to be cheater WW and having to think of others other than herself.
Can I ask what was her master plan? To run off and live in unicorn fart land, or be a adult and take responsibility for her deliberate actions. Yes she has lied and manipulated the history of your marriage to justify her actions. 50% responsibilities for the relationship but you never forced her to cheat with POS. Her sister is toxic to your marriage as well.
One day at a time.

Her marriage is hanging by a thread yet she goes in a trip.

SMDH - shaking my damn head

Nice job being decisive. You will heal faster with her out of your life. She sounds like a terrible person.

To D, won't you need her to sign papers? Won't that be easier if she's home?

It might not be a bad thing to nice her back to your city so she's available to sign and to receive service of other papers you need to get to her. I think that would be a positive use of nicing her back.

In my state, if there's no response in 30 days, it becomes a default or similar to a no contest. She is visiting her parents whom she havent seen in years. I agree her sister is worse than her, I spoke with her sister's husband or my ex brother in law. From our limited interaction, she was cheating on him most of the time.

So basically she’s doing an early version of what I predicted:

What would also be typical and follow a pattern is for her to come home after the journey and tell you she’s given it a lot of thought and is willing to give your marriage one more chance.

Its not that I have a crystal ball or read goat innards, it’s just that confrontation behavior follows a pattern.

As always when making legal suggestions then remember the absolutely worst advice offered on SI is legal advice. Mine included:
It’s not your role to guide her and IMHO it’s up to you to decide the next steps. The rule-of-thumb in California (your profile mentions that as your state) that if no response is made in 30 days then the proposal you filed is the one used by the judge to decide the divorce. With no kids it’s mainly a process of dividing debts/assets. If your suggestion is fair, then chances are the judge will go with it.
However…
You as the person that filed can request a stay or delay. In fact – since you had her served 2 days before you KNEW she would be leaving (and therefore less able to respond) a judge might view that to your disadvantage. It might be seen as you utilizing her inability to respond to your advantage. Because of this it MIGHT be better for you to offer her a short extension to the divorce process, like maybe 10 days after she arrives.
Or… You might learn that it’s enough that she files some online-forms, or downloads and mails in some forms contesting the divorce suggestions.
Or… she can manage this whole process to get an extension over the phone with an attorney or the court clerk.

Since you already have an attorney then maybe ask him how you should respond. It’s tempting to suggest no response at all and allow her to come back to an uncontested divorce totally along the lines your attorney filed on, but MAYBE you get the same (or similar) results while showing a certain level of fairness.

Keep in mind "fairness" might be limited to a short e-mail where you clearly sate your intentions on seeing this divorce through and suggesting she research how to respond to the claim before the deadline.

Follow your attorney's advice. With no children and such a short marriage, unless there is something unique about your situation, you will just end up splitting community assets 50/50. I doubt if there will be any significant spousal support. But your attorney knows best. Obtaining an extension for your wife to file an answer should be quite easy. Again, follow your attorney's advice in this matter. Get away from that family ASAP. The sister is an enabler. What a terrible duo.

I am sorry, Yoga. But your WW didn't say that out of any love or care for you, she instead is thinking out of concern for herself and her life. Letting her back will only cause you pain. Please leave the threads from other posters here, who kept taking their undeserving WW back, to see how badly it always turns out.

Stay the course.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 4:41 AM, Tuesday, February 1st]

Today was a rough day, I felt a lot of feelings just bubble up and had to cry. I feel I don't really have anyone to share this with and felt so alone.

Hang in there Yoga. You’ve been betrayed in the worst way and betrayal trauma is real and it’s bad. Keep telling yourself that you’re going to be ok because you will be. Seek counseling from a therapist specializing in trauma. Exercise as much as you can. You can do this!

In my state, if there's no response in 30 days, it becomes a default or similar to a no contest.

I find it hard to believe that there is no provision for responding through an attorney or to get a continuance if one is out of the country. If the marriage were really important to her, she could have found a way to do that...or postpone her trip.

You’re in good company here. Hang in there. We know it’s hard. Keep your mind busy as much as possible.