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Thanks everyone. I had a conversation with my mom today that was helpful for me. It was major bc we usually don't have that type of relationship where we can talk about feelings.

Anyway, she contacted me today asking me to withdraw bc she doesn't want to cut her trip short. Nothing in it about love, just selfishness and trying to guilt trip. Sad to see everyone on here was right. I think blocking her and going NC would be best.

[This message edited by Yoga at 12:41 AM, Tuesday, February 1st]

California does have provisions for the spouse to request a continuation. It’s basically as simple as calling the court office with your case-number, explaining your situation and asking for an extension. I’m guessing you might need to file some online form.
Even if she arrives after the deadline she can file a complaint, and frankly I think it would be taken under consideration. Courts want D to be fair, and filing a couple of days before she leaves is IMHO not really playing fair. This is why I think you should talk to your attorney about your next step.

Since your WW doesn’t work, did you pay for her trip? How is she paying for her expenses? Is she currently using a credit card that you’re paying?

I would ask your lawyer what your options are.

Bigger, sorry. SHE wasn’t playing fair. She is the bad guy here.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 7:35 PM, Tuesday, February 1st]

I disagree with Bigger. Your WW could have contacted an attorney and had them file a request for additional time, if nothing else. Or rescheduled the trip, or done any number of things.

I don't believe that Yoga made the decision to file as a frivolous attempt to punish STBXWW or to be sneaky. The timing of the D didn't work out for her. Darn. I'm sure the timing of the A didn't work out for Yoga.

Yoga, you know your STBXWW best. If you think there is a benefit for YOU, then see what you may be able to do. If not, it is her problem. She is an adult. She can deal with the consequences of her actions.

Don't stop the D train, let her respond as she sees fit, her decision, let her google how to respond, I would love to see the face of the judge when her excuse to not responding to the D:

"I was on vacation for a whole month and didn't want to cut it short, I didn't even want to spoil my fun by having to respond to or to think about this life altering situation, I didn't have time to contact an attorney your honor, how dare he spoil my fun your honor !! I was having so much fun I even considered to extend it for another week or two".

Of course I would suggest you follow your lawyer's advice but if this is not an issue or may be advantageous to you, don't give her another second, let her figure it out, the ball is in her court, remain on the driver's seat.

I gotta agree with Bigger, giving her a 10 day delay to respond makes very little difference in the long run.

She is so inept that she cannot or will not figure out on her own that she can get a delay from the court with a phone call or online.

My XW was the one who needed space and had a BF from work, causing our marriage to crash.
But after I realized it was up to me to file and control the situation (Me v. Her made me feel better) I was the one getting her to sign things and return on time.
Step up and make the D happen. You will probably feel better. I know I did.

Good luck Yoga.

When I talk about fair I’m not thinking ethically or morally fair regarding the WW.

First of all: What her not countering does is that the divorce goes on to the next stage without her input. Basically if no counter is provided within the deadline or for a reasonable period after it passes the information provided by Yoga becomes the basis for the divorce. However – she CAN demand change and if she does it delays, adds extra cost and results in a court appearance. This will require time in front of a judge (months of delay) and adding costs.

Imagine this scenario: Poor wife who had a non-refundable fixed ticket to see family who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship whose uberjealous husband sprang a divorce petition on her 2 days before she left – knowing she couldn’t really counter. A judge – whose role is to be impartial – will grant her the delay in a jiffy.

If however Yoga can show that he sent her an email telling her the divorce will go through and that she can ask for an extension by phoning xxx-yyyy or doing it online… He’s shown good will and fair play. Mitigating any claims of emotional abuse or of having timed the divorce to her disadvantage.

As I stated early on: The worst advice on SI is legal advice. I also in the same post suggested you talk to your attorney about your next steps.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:35 AM, Wednesday, February 2nd]

She texted me the other day but I haven't replied yet. NC is not easy either.

I've been distracting myself with work, and conversations with friends. However I feel I am burying or avoiding feelings related to this betrayal. For example when her text popped up, my heart rate jumped, etc.

Yoga, do not respond any longer to your WW. She can and may use that information in your Divorce.

You did the right thing to divorce her. So what if she's on vacation, that's her problem. She could have cancelled her trip if it was important to her, but it wasn't, that is not your problem.

Is your wife here in this country b/c of a greencard? Just curious b/c you said she is going back to her country, and based on your writing, I'm sensing that maybe English is not your native tongue. The reason I ask is b/c your case may be a bit more complicated than the traditional marriage. If this is the case, I would advise you get with counsel to make sure you are protected. You need to make sure that you act in a legal manner, and that means if you get a new apartment, you may need to continue to pay for the one she's living in. You should definitely seek legal advice moving forward.

As for your WW and her sister, I would NOT be around them when they return. YOu do not want a false domestic violence charge mucking up your divorce, or costing you more money. Stay away and let your lawyer handle the case. You are doing the right thing. I bet her friends know more than they are telling you, and all know that she has probably been using you for a long time.