Beeblah (original poster new member #86279) posted at 2:11 PM on Friday, August 15th, 2025
3 years on... Things are great day to day, while I try to forget what went on. But (and I know this sounds crazy) he cheated on me after we'd been together for 3 years. We are now 3 years post D day and I'm worried. I asked him if he has a 3 year boredom threshold. He told me not to be daft, of course he doesn't. I've asked him today for reassurance which he hasn't given to me (I said I just need to know you're happy and that I'm safe...he parroted 'i'm happy, you're safe'). I think he gets sick of reassuring me and I get sick of needing reassurance. But surely it's part of the deal? He ends up feeling like I'm accusing him again, and I worry when he doesn't reassure me, that it's because something is going on.
Help, these thoughts spiral and send me crazy 💔😢 I feel like I'm going insane sometimes. Anyone else?
(I have to add, that sometimes he's great at reassuring me, and makes me feel safe, and other times he's really really not 😞😞)
D day June 2022
Got married April 2024
Long road to recovery. We are mostly there with occasional bumps x
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 2:55 PM on Friday, August 15th, 2025
Sorry you married someone who is emotionally immature and just refused to do anything to help you.
Not sure where you go from here.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 3:25 PM on Friday, August 15th, 2025
I don’t need reassurance, I need a partner who is all in on this relationship every day.
After infidelity, it’s all show me, don’t tell me.
If I need to ask questions about anything, I ask them — but my wife, through her constant actions, leaves me little room to check on anything.
My response to your very good question is —forever.
You can reasonably ask for anything you need until the end of time. That’s how it works in any healthy relationship and is infinitely more important when someone actually hurt the other person via infidelity.
Married 36+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived.
M Restored
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca
PurpleMoxie ( member #86385) posted at 4:38 PM on Friday, August 15th, 2025
He should be willing to reassure you for as long as you need it. If that is forever, then so be it. He created the dynamic of uncertainty and your new normal includes the need for check-ins and reassurance.
After Dday 1, I told my WH that I would need him to keep reassuring me that we are okay. I usually have to ask for it, which can be frustrating. It means so much to me when he initiates it. I wish he would do that more often.
New profile. Previous, but not very active, member.
