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I had been holding onto some hope that I might feel good about wearing them again someday. I had even worked out a timeline/formula in my head for when I could start to consider it. Recent revelations have ruined the possibility that I will ever want to even look at them again. I had absolutely loved those rings. The memories of getting them were special. I loved the engraving inside. They were just very precious and dear to me, until they weren't.

Chalk this up to yet another thing stolen by infidelity.

It would be cool if I could say that I did something dramatic like throw them in a lake or run them through a wood chipper, but no. The formerly poor person in me just couldn't waste a resource like that. I was able to get a little cash for them, so there's that.

I will continue to wear a silicon band for now.

Please share - what have you done about wearing, or not wearing, rings. Did you get something new, or keep the old ones after some work and healing?

I took mine off on Dday and put it in a small box along with WS's. He'd taken his off back in 2020 when he lost a bunch of weight ... right around the same time he started his affair. We'd talked about getting it resized, but he never made it a priority. Shortly before Dday 2, he suggested that we wear them again?! I wasn't ready then, and with all the subsequent ddays and other stressors, I never became ready. They remained in the box.

Now that we're moving forward with legal separation, we'll have to discuss what to do with them. Possibly we will each take ours and do whatever we want, in which case I will either sell or have it made into something else, like a pendant.

I actually lost my original wedding band while swimming at the beach a few years back (perhaps a foreshadowing…). As a result I happened to be wearing a cheap replacement band during my wife’s 2 year EA. After Dday I did remove the ring for a few days, but then decided to wear it again since I’m a well-known pastor/evangelist in our area and didn’t want to have to be explaining our situation to everyone while I was still suffering from mental & emotional distress from extreme PTSD. Ironically, the primary areas that I am requested to come teach and give advice on are marriage and family…

I doubt I would have kept the original band had it still been in my possession. My wife’s broken vow will haunt me for the rest of my life… I love her and plan to keep my vows to her, but now I can never say that my precious wife remained faithful to me till death parted us. That hurts me in the deepest part of my being…

I had a similar loss of ring at the beach accident, but mine was after the EA.

I replaced it almost immediately with a cheap gold plated tungsten carbide ring. It wasn't very comfortable and I stopped wearing it mostly for reasons of discomfort. That said, I didn't feel ethically or emotionally driven to replace it again or to push through the mild discomfort of the ring.

For almost four years I didn't wear a ring. We went to a jeweler to have it properly replaced as a nice replica of our original ring design. It wasn't specifically ceremonial or symbolic of our R. It wasn't a specific ask. I do think it means something, but it's not a vow renewal or anything like that. I am and have been married to my wife the whole time. It was just a matter of it feeling right about the replacement without it feeling forced.

Initially I kept wearing the ring thinking it would show commitment to R.

But as the months went by I just couldn't bring myself to continue wearing it. The vows are broken. The rings were a symbol of those vows.

Also my wife never removed her ring while with her AP. For me that cheapens its significance.

I still have my ring, but probably won't wear it anymore.

I now wear a cheap plastic ring to symbolize my commitment to R. Sometimes I wear a nicer backup ring for the same reason.