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Hello,

My husband has enrolled into the Minwalla program, and I wanted to know if anyone else has experience with this?

Some information on the program can be found by searching on: ten steps to building a sexual basement.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:03 PM, Saturday, July 12th]

Thank you so much for sharing this resource. I just read the article and so wish that I’d had access to it when I first discovered my WexH’s affair and began to try to unravel the complex web of dishonesty and abuse that he built to make his behavior possible.

I’ll just say that it is so very affirming and validating of my experiences. I’ll be exploring the full website in detail. The specific article you mentioned details my experience better than almost anything else I’ve read.

Thanks again. I hope you’ll let us know how it goes with this program.

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I hope this article is helpful to those like me who are struggling in the aftermath of profound betrayal. Please share experiences if anyone has explored this before.

[This message edited by Neva9643 at 7:00 PM, Saturday, July 12th]

It has helped me with the disconnect between "he’s trying" and "what has happened to me is not about trying". I feel I am getting that it’s really isn’t about reconciliation but for a person to be living with integrity and honesty - something my husband gave up long ago yet kept telling himself I am good husband and father.

For me I am moving away from is reconciliation possible or not, but can he dismantle the internal mechanism that led to a breakdown of values and a fundamental pattern of dishonesty — not a mistake but a long-term system of deception.

Only after that baseline is reached can we look at the relationship future. All the Apologies, all the show of care doesn’t matter - every entitlement, every rationalization, every single lie - has to be addressed, accepted and dismantled. It’s up to my husband to do the work.

Two concepts that stood out to me:
•The Sexual Basement: a metaphor for the hidden double life built to house secret behavior, completely walled off from the partner. It’s not just about isolated incidents of cheating. It’s about a covert operation — sustained lying, gaslighting, and calculated efforts to protect the double life while keeping the betrayed partner in the dark.

•The 22 Rooms: a framework for understanding the many layers of injury — psychological, emotional, relational, even physical.

It’s by far the toughest thing I have had to do in my life!