Preacher (original poster new member #82852) posted at 2:44 AM on Tuesday, September 2nd, 2025
I happened to hear a song the other day that I had never heard before called "Break Into My Heart" (Daughtry 2021). It hit deep because in some ways it describes the internal emptiness/numbness stage that I find myself in nearly 3 years after my wife’s EA. It really hurts to be a completely different person than I used to be (focused, cheerful, whistle while I work guy, musical, adventurous, romantic, fun-loving, competitive, emotionally stable, patient, bold, full of positive anticipation…) Now, I relate the line in the song that says, "make me feel again".
Has anyone else heard the song and can relate with my feelings? Praying for you all…
annb ( member #22386) posted at 6:09 PM on Tuesday, September 2nd, 2025
Hi, Preacher, I haven't heard the song, but I can relate....
After my D-Day, I couldn't listen to music while I was driving. It brought such sadness and deep despair.
I think it took several years before I listened to music halfheartedly.
I am two decades from my D-Day, and while I moved on, I'm not the same person I was all those years ago. I lost a small part of myself that never seemed to come back.
Three years you are still in the middle of the healing process, IMO you will feel better with time. Those negative feelings will fade.
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 8:13 PM on Tuesday, September 2nd, 2025
...the internal emptiness/numbness stage that I find myself in nearly 3 years after...
Been there, done that. I think I was simply exhausted, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
Choose to whistle. Start there.
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
Preacher (original poster new member #82852) posted at 8:18 PM on Tuesday, September 2nd, 2025
Thanks, Annb for the words of encouragement.
I am a musician and music has always been a natural way that I express deep emotions. Since Dday I haven’t spent nearly as much as time on the piano because of the sadness that naturally flows from my heart to my fingers. I don’t want to produce somber moods all the time for those who happen to be listening…
Preacher (original poster new member #82852) posted at 8:25 PM on Tuesday, September 2nd, 2025
Choose to whistle. Start there.
Unhinged, I used to do that naturally pretty much all day. The last time I caught myself whistling was after a day of ministering (music & Bible study) at a long term care facility. Those elderly residents seem to enjoy the small things so much and it made my heart glad. It was a pleasant surge of joy…
Abcd89 ( member #82960) posted at 11:03 AM on Wednesday, September 3rd, 2025
Have you tried listening to a different genre of music. Music with no association to your spouse? So if you would choose pop or piano based or classical then scrap them for now and try heavy metal or country. I’m sure people would happily help with a playlist of songs that are new to you.
I have created a playlist and only add songs that have nothing to do with my spouse. They must have a connection to me from this year onwards. Songs I like from a night at the theatre or a child’s play or church or a snippet I hear that’s catchy.
Music has gotten me through some tough times but I too stopped listening, it was unbearable. So with the help of my children (who have no idea of my issue) I’m getting it back.
Preacher (original poster new member #82852) posted at 11:33 AM on Thursday, September 4th, 2025
Thanks, abcd89… I do try to avoid songs that relate to our relationship (the hardest one being the music I composed for her just before we started dating in 1990). Worship music & hymns seem to be the only genres that don’t contain triggers for me, so maybe I just need to stick with those for now…
