SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Big LOTR fan here. I really like your metaphor and it does make sense. But I want you to immerse even deeper into the story. Don't forget the wonderful healing power of the elves.

My friend, the wound is tremendous and the more you understand that and acknowledge that to your precious wife, the more likely you will follow after actions that can promote healing.

There is a "magic" much more potent than the elves my friend. There is a God who can do all things. And he came to "Heal the Broken hearted and bind up their wounds".

Seek Him...more than the heros sought Rivendell. 🙏

Also LOTR fan. I think Frodo’s wound, particularly the way in which it was almost a living thing, is an apt metaphor for betrayal injury. I agree with what others have said about it being person dependent as far as how long lasting and intense the wound will be.

Working with trauma is a big part of what I do professionally. It matters whether the betrayed spouse comes to the point of betrayal with a history of similar traumas from childhood or later. I disagree with those who seem to imply it is a lesser wound than combat trauma. Having worked with many veterans, I would say that one aspect of combat trauma you will find is that traumas that are linked to an experience of « injustice » are particularly damaging. The veteran who not only saw a close friend die in front of him but also felt his government failed them in some way is ultimately far worse off. It is much harder to recover when the trauma is linked to a sense of injustice.

Most betrayed spouses feel intensely that sense of the injustice of it all. That is one of many parts of betrayal trauma that makes it hard to let go. I was thinking about just exactly this question you raise this weekend. I was thinking of how common it was to see victims of military PTSD going through life as a completely altered version of themselves decades after their trauma. I was thinking how it has not been very long that we have started to realize how similar the PTSD symptoms we see in betrayed spouses are to victims of other trauma. I think it may be naive to think these betrayed spouses will be returning to any semblance of their former selves. Of course, we would all like to envision a strong, happy, wiser betrayed spouse living their best life decades later. I hope thats how it turns out. For me, a decade out in some ways (although I was only told the truth 3 years ago), I feel that I am beginning to more closely resemble those WWII vets we remember who went back to their families and sat in stony silence, not fully capable of reengaging in life as they formerly knew it.